Where pigs can fly. And life is good.

Someday's you feel dumb...or rather like you're not as smart as somebody else and you go through continuous negative self evaluation.

i feel so crappy these days...what am i doing? why am i here? how come everyone has so much clarity on what they want to do/ be in life? and here i am, lost, suspended in permanent orbit around the same people, same things.

why don't i feel like my life is going somewhere? why can't i have a small slice of the happiness that everybody seems to have? why am i here, typing in bursts of emotion, weeping over a keyboard, looking for heavenly intervention in the form of light from welding work at a construction site?

what are the new things i have done? what are the new risks i have taken?

i want the people i love to be happy and i try to help them have that but what about me...sometimes i feel that inside me somewhere there is a small, tiny, awkward piece that has gone missing and no matter how hard i try i can't seem to find it.